Hi. My name is Scout Sanders and I am recovering from a situation that cost me over $100,000 dollars. Yep. You read that right dear Groupie for Good. This is personal and the advise provided within is not regergitated from the pages of The Ecomimist or tips from a finacial advisor. It’s from me. It’s what I have learned from past personal failures, current situations, and the deceptivley simple ideas of Positive Psychology. But before we move on, I do want to add that I hope some of you read the title and thought, “Gosh. I need to write a blog and start a podcast! I would love the opportubnity to loose $100K!” Well, maybe you should write a blog and start your own podcast. Come on in! The water is warm and we have cocktails.
We all understand that failure is an inherent part of life. It’s as universal as the air we breathe, yet the mere mention of failure can evoke discomfort, shame, or even a swift change of topic. Everyone has experinced job loss, a failed exam, a poorly had conversation, a failed relationship, and a burnt dinner. So whats the issue? Because, Buttercup, recognizing our role in personal failures exposes our vulnerabilities, making us feel layed bare and inadequate. But, what if I told you that facing our failures head-on, acknowledging our role in them, and learning from these experiences could lead to unparalleled personal growth and happiness?
I know what some of you might be thinking. Laying yourself bare or being vulnerable makes you a target for others to take advantage of. The world is not kind, and there are reasons why we have built walls around ourselves. I feel that bone deep, and what if I asked you to not think of this conversation as a way to change your world view opening you up to external threats, but a way to shift your personal beliefs regarding perceived failure so that you arent your own worst inner enemy? It is possible to face personal failure in such a way that your external exposure is minimal while you inwardly face down giants that are keeping you from finding solutions and having what you really want. Freedom, and happieness. Four easy steps you say?
The Importance of Facing Personal Failure
Personal failure, as much as it stings, is a goldmine for growth and self-awareness. When we stumble and fall, it’s a direct indication that something in our approach or understanding needs adjustment. When I found out that I was out a $100K, the first thing I did was breathe. Yeah. Okay. Why is that so important? Because allowing myself that 6-8 seconds to decide how I wanted to respond and who I wanted to be in that moment was critical. It is my belief that the only real thing a person has control over is their choices; they shape our character and the world around us. So, I made a choice. I accepted my personal responsibility for the outcome.
Facing our role in these setbacks, rather than shoving them under the mental rug or pointing fingers at external factors, is crucial. It enables us to dissect what went wrong, understand our part in the outcome, and strategize a more informed and resilient path forward.
The Role of Positive Psychology
Positive psychology, a branch of psychology focused on what makes life worth living, offers tools and strategies to help individuals thrive, especially in the face of adversity. Contrary to popular belief, positive psychology isn’t about slapping a smile on every situation or denying the pain that comes with setbacks. Do you really think recieving the news I had lost that chunk of money brought a smile to my face and caused rainbows to shoot out my nethers. No. It caused me great distress, and I wasn’t willing to act like it wasnt a big deal and everything would be fine. But I was willing to seek out ways to grow and find meaning in the experience, uncomfortable or not.
How Positive Psychology Can Help in Facing Personal Failures
1. Cultivating a Growth Mindset
Research spearheaded by Carol Dweck introduces the concept of a growth mindset, the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be developed with time and effort. When we adopt a growth mindset and face failures, we see them not as reflections of our unchangeable inadequacies but as opportunities to learn and evolve. Positive psychology encourages this perspective, empowering us to approach setbacks with curiosity and openness rather than dread and denial.
2. Learning the Art of Self-Compassion
Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion has shown that treating ourselves with kindness and understanding in moments of failure can significantly reduce our levels of anxiety and depression. This was very hard for me to accept. The one thing I was a pro at, and still have to work to keep in check, is self loathing, and self blame. In the face of failure, it is one thing to accept your role in a situation and examine your behaviour, and it is quite another to believe yourself inherenlty broken, and the cause of all misfortune. Positive psychology advocates for a compassionate stance towards our mistakes and shortcomings. This involves recognizing that failure is a part of the human experience and speaking to ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a friend in distress.
3. Building Resilience
Resilience, the ability to bounce back from setbacks, is another cornerstone of positive psychology. Rather than crumbling under the weight of failure, resilience enables us to adapt, persist, and ultimately overcome. Research demonstrates that resilience can be fostered through practices like gratitude journaling, positive relationship building, and setting realistic goals. These strategies help redirect focus from the negativity of failure to the potential for positive outcomes and growth.
4. Emphasizing Positive Emotions
Barbara Fredrickson’s broaden-and-build theory suggests that experiencing positive emotions broadens our sense of possibility and opens our minds up to more options. By focusing on positive emotions even in the face of failure, we can shift our perspective from one of loss and limitation to one of learning, opportunity, and hope.
Some of the things that bring me postive emotions are walks with my dog, meditation, not being glued to my phone, having lunch outside, planning an adventure to somewhere new. I learned in order to build positive emotions I didnt need to do grand things. I needed to be consistant and mindful with the little things that made me happy so when failure cames a knocking it didnt feel so catatrophic and hopeless.
In Conclusion
Facing our role in personal failures is undeniably daunting, but it’s a critical step toward personal development and happiness. Through the lens of positive psychology, we can learn to navigate these challenging waters with grace, resilience, and a constructive outlook. By cultivating a growth mindset, practicing self-compassion, building resilience, and focusing on positive emotions, we can transform our relationship with failure. Instead of a source of shame, it becomes a stepping stone to becoming more skilled, strong, and self-aware individuals. So, the next time you find yourself facing personal failure, like loosing $100K, remember these principles. Embrace the growth and possibilities that lie within every setback, and let positive psychology guide you towards a more fulfilling and resilient path forward.
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