Dealing with My Mother’s Pain: Navigating Emotional and Physical Stress

Watching a loved one in pain is an intense and heart-wrenching experience. Recently, my mom was placed into Hospice care. The journey of supporting my mother through her suffering has been both emotionally and physically taxing, pushing me to find solace and strength in various coping mechanisms and insights gleaned from reputable sources such as the American Medical Association (AMA), the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), the American Psychological Association (APA), and tenets of positive psychology.

The Physical and Emotional Toll

The emotional impact of witnessing my mother in pain is profound. I feel completly helpless. Me. Superstar medically trained, uber experinced NP who has seen and done it all. Nothing prepares you for witnessing a parent’s pain and suffering. Nothing. No amount of training, no amount of knowlegde, and no amount of imagining. The reality is more cruel. Having knowledge of the disease process and of what is causing such pain is horrifying, and no amount of training in compartmentilization or professionalism prepares you for the devastating feeling of loosing the only person who “gets you” and “roots you” to anything or anyone. So in true Scout fashion, I recognize that my mom’s situation and her choices are out of my control. So I concentrate on the things I can control; my thoughts, actions, and boundries.

According to the AMA, caregivers often experience heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, a narrative that resonates deeply with me. The constant worry and the desire to alleviate her pain, while feeling helpless in the process, have taken their toll on my mental health. Physically, the stress manifests through restlessness, lack of appetite, irritability, and anger. This was leading to exhaustion and even somatic symptoms like nausea, stomach upset, and back pain. To continue to be there for my mom, I was going to have to show up for myself.

Insights from AMA and JAMA on Caregiver Stress

Both AMA and JAMA provide extensive research on caregiver stress, highlighting the importance of recognizing the signs of burnout and suggesting practical ways to manage it. They recommend routine self-care, including exercise, balanced nutrition, and ample rest, as non-negotiables that caregivers often overlook. The need for personal health maintenance is crucial, as the well-being of our loved ones indirectly depends on our ability to care for ourselves.

Understanding through APA

The APA delves deeper into the psychological repercussions and emphasizes the significance of seeking support, whether through therapy, support groups, or community resources. Their guidance has been crucial in helping me understand that my feelings do not mean I am failing, but that I am a daughter suffering alongside my mother. Seeking support is the right and moral thing to do for both myself and my mother.

The Role of Positive Psychology

My background in Positive Psychology has been a beacon of hope amidst the trying times. Instead of focusing soley on my mom’s pain and continued decline, I focus on her small wins like taking ships of a milkshake, making a joke, or making an effort to smile at the Hospice staff when they enter the room. She continuelly reminds me to practice gratitude – being thankful for the small moments of connection and happiness with my mother, despite the overarching theme of pain. The circumstances also highlight the importance of resilience, the capacity to rebound from difficult experiences, something that both my mother and I are learning and embodying every day.

Applying Insights to Daily Life

In applying these insights to my daily life, I’ve made several adjustments. I’ve set strict boundaries to ensure I get enough rest and have carved out time for activities that rejuvenate my spirit. Engaging in daily Bible study, reading the writiings of the ancient Stoics, jouranling, yoga, meditation, and daily excersise has also been pivotal in managing stress and maintaining a sense of calm. Most importantly, embracing the power of gratitude has transformed my perspective, allowing me to support my mother in more meaningful and impactful ways.

The AMA and JAMA have offered several insights into self-care activities particularly helpful for individuals facing high-stress situations, such as caring for a family member. While the specific recommendations might evolve over time, here are some general, research-backed strategies that these organizations have emphasized for caregivers:

1. Mindfulness and Meditation: Both the AMA and JAMA highlight the benefits of mindfulness practices and meditation for reducing stress, improving emotional regulation, and enhancing overall mental well-being. Engaging in regular mindfulness exercises can help you center your thoughts, manage stress, and maintain a calm state of mind amidst challenging caregiving duties.
2. Physical Activity: Regular physical activity is consistently recommended for stress management. Activities can range from walking and yoga to more intense exercises, depending on your preferences and physical condition. Exercise releases endorphins, improves mood, and can break the cycle of stress.
3. Adequate Sleep: Ensuring you get sufficient, quality sleep is crucial. Sleep deprivation can exacerbate stress, affect mood, and impair judgment. The AMA emphasizes the importance of good sleep hygiene, including maintaining a consistent sleep schedule and creating a restful environment.
4. Healthy Eating: A balanced diet supports physical health, which is intrinsically linked to mental health. Nutrient-rich foods can provide the energy needed for caregiving tasks and help manage stress levels.
5. Social Support: Maintaining connections with friends, family, or support groups is vital. The AMA and JAMA recognize the importance of social support in reducing feelings of isolation and providing emotional relief. Sharing experiences with others in similar situations can be particularly comforting.
6. Professional Help: Seeking support from healthcare professionals, including mental health specialists, can provide personalized strategies for coping with stress. The AMA and JAMA encourage caregivers to be aware of the signs of burnout and to seek professional advice when needed.
7. Personal Hobbies: Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment should not be neglected. Whether it’s reading, gardening, painting, or any other hobby, dedicating time to personal interests can provide a necessary respite from caregiving responsibilities.
8. Mindful Breathing Exercises: Simple, yet effective, mindful breathing exercises can be performed anywhere and anytime you feel overwhelmed. They help in lowering immediate stress levels and improving focus.
9. Digital Detox: Given the constant flow of information and responsibilities, periodically unplugging from digital devices can reduce stress and improve mental clarity. The AMA suggests setting aside specific times to disconnect and be present in the moment.

It’s essential to remember that self-care is not selfish; it’s a necessary part of effectively caring for others. By implementing self-care strategies, I can better manage stress and provide the care my mother needs without compromising my own well-being.

Conclusion

The journey of watching my mother suffer from pain and supporting her through it is challenging. Yet, armed with the knowledge and strategies from AMA, JAMA, APA, and positive psychology, I find myself better equipped to navigate the emotional and physical stresses. While the situation might not change overnight, my approach and mindset towards it can, making all the difference in our lives.

I encourage you to share your own stories and coping mechanisms for a similar situations in the comments below.